""WITHOUT YOU""
Without you, living am I, unbelievably now, four long years.
Crying, releasing raw, but occasionally, healing tears.
Without you, sleeping I must, “PURE PEACE,” my only way,
Waking to reality, I live without you, still another day.
Without you, lost that fateful evening, your 55 year old mom, ME.
Dreading the future, revealing mysteriously who I will be.
Without you, longing am I, to once again hear my toddler Kanda giggles.
Memories of that special toy that spins, squeaks, hops and wiggles.
Without you, clouding my mind, great memories of basketball.
orange, blue, you, an FHS Cheerleader, RAW, RAW, RAW!!!
Without you, grieving fiercely, disappointed as my memory lapses.
What once I thought always crystal clear, now simply collapses.
Without you, now asked by many, children I have given birth to??
Kanda, my first, Jerrin my second, but in God's care, YOU!!!
Without you, upside down, spinning around, my world today.
Had I known your pain, possibly on earth you could stay.
Without you, these past four years, haunting questions, why can't I just ask you?
Tricking my mind, denial, but I knowing deep in my heart, what I must do.
Without you, praying I do, Kanda, please come to me in my dreams, my daughter, my best friend,
but dreams are not mine for the taking, admitting must I, losing you to the end.
Without you, inhaling your fragrance, sensing you are near, breathing in your familiar aroma, if only, I could see you are here.
Without you, wondering to myself, Aaron and Ashley growing so fast,
What could have been, they being with Aunt Kanda, WHAT A BLAST!!
Without you, who I am, having absolutely no idea, needing a clue.
Happiness, where?? I can't seem to find, MY KANDA,
and I won't let go of you.
(Spring 2008)
BACKGROUND DESIGN AND MUSIC