A Mother's Choice A mother's choice when her grieving begins. Her child did die. "My God," she asks why. Bolting from her being, but what is she seeing? She drifts far away but she knows she can't stay. The pain she to bear. Her escape to no where. She no longer remains but now is insane. Her mind does spin as numbness sets in. A mother's choice when she knows she can't win. The bargaining starts from her shattered heart. Her life for her child's but she's lost in denial. A mother's choice when she can't breathe but then. How to live on, since her child is gone. She begs her life to end and her body to give in. Her thoughts to her baby, her choice and maybe. She drifts into shock, Heaven's Doors, she does knock. Floating in air, but she knows not where. She can't withstand what is dealt her hand. She falls to her knees, screaming, "My God, please." But her choice to keep her soul way down deep. She will then bravely face what she cannot erase. She knows she can't die, but "Oh My Lord," she cries. Minutes slip into hours, she, with no power. Time flows into days. Her mind shall betray. Days into months now, yet she still wonders how. Year by year she has walked the journey she does mock. Reality is what is and she forever relives. Yet, she still awakes, to a possible mistake?? The years pass by. Still she continues to cry. A mother's choice to live. but her life she would bargain to give. The death of her child not to deceive. She now accepts she's not only a mother, but forever A MOTHER BEREAVED.
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"MY INSANITY"" Insanity is losing my only daughter to her death. Insanity is my pain in grasping a whisk of breath. Insanity is finding my daughter drowned. Insanity is my Kanda, she floating face down. Insanity is sitting my daughter's body upright. Insanity is shutting off the water, never to forget this sight. Insanity is 911, screaming her address twice, a third time. Insanity is shock, "OH PLEASE LORD," she is mine. Insanity is watching in slow motion, EMT's pumping her lungs. Insanity is my knowing she had chewed her tongue. Insanity is maybe a miracle, her cold body, possibly a chance? Insanity is the reality, never again will I see her dance. Insanity is the sirens' the ambulance taking Kanda away. Insanity is my remarkable memory of that day. Insanity is the waiting, "OH GOD," the horrible dread. Insanity is the ER doctor's voice, BRAIN DEAD!!!! Insanity is the leaving of my own body, somewhere else in time. Insanity is who I am in my new life, my daughter no longer mine. Insanity is bearing the excruciating mental pain. Insanity is to bargain, my life for her's, could this possibly be sane?? Insanity is to beg for answers, why, why and again why? Insanity is selfishly, asking, "PLEASE GOD, LET ME DIE!!!! Insanity is minuscule memories of the visitation, funeral and tears. Insanity is avoiding the casket, my daughter, my greatest future fears. Insanity is how to live without my beautiful first born. Insanity is no choice, after 4 years, I still heart brokenly mourn. Insanity is to feel her presence, the calming wind that blows my hair. Insanity is the knowing of what cannot be changed, still, I will dare. Insanity is Insanity, and as a bereaved mother, I am still -----WHERE?????? My only sanity, MY KANDA, in Glory and Christ forever. to disbelieve, NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BACKGROUND DESIGN AND MUSIC APPRECIATION
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