""Kanda Christmas Angel Pin""
Thank You, Rosemary
""Absolutely Stunning""
http://www.rosemaryangels.com/
"JOYS, YEARS, TEARS, FEARS"
"REMEMBRANCE OF CHRISTMAS PAST"
2007
Our 4th Christmas without our
daughter, sister, aunt, cousin, friend
"KANDA MICHELLE JACOBS"
IN LOVING MEMORY
(May 24, 1973 - April 13, 2004)
""REMEMBERING CHRISTMAS PAST""
Preparations for Christmas, Christmas
Programs, Traditional Christmas Tree,
(our tree, a story all it's own, later)
The "YUMMY GOODIES"
and Christmas Feast, but most importantly,
"SO I THOUGHT BACK THEN,"
forgetting entirely
"THE REASON FOR THE SEASON,"
""CHRISTMAS GIFTS.""
As my mind reminisces back those
many years ago,ashamed am I,
Kanda's Mom, seemingly, we, during
our busy years,raising our children,
working full time jobs, constantly running
with Kanda and Jerrin, burning the tires off our
vehicles as we lived in a rural area out of
the city limits, thrown into the hustle,
bustle of the holiday rush, not only concerned
about money and our children's Christmas
presents, but also funding for the preparations
of Christmas Dinner, with our
guests, many family members and friends.
Saddened, guilty am I, slipping away
was the meaning of Christmas,
"THE REASON FOR THE SEASON"
from Christmas to Christmas, and most
assuredly, all my excuses are completely
worthless.
"""CHRISTMAS DAY IS THE CELEBRATION
OF THE BIRTH OF JESUS CHRIST."""
""OUR CHRISTMAS TREE PAST""
So very well I remember the "Sprayed
Fake Snow Covered Green Spruce
Christmas Tree" during our kids' childhood
years.
""THIS TREE""
every year, shed an abundance of fake snow
that still, to this very day, mysteriously
(possibly cob webs,) floats around our home,
maybe as a reminder of those past wonderful
Christmas years, with our young children.
Continually flaking, our tree,
especially as the kids and I would assemble,
making sure all the correct length
branches were in place, lights stretched out
for hanging, while the aggravating flying
fake snow, annoying, as it was sighted
floating in air,
even after the tree was stable, adorned with
beautiful colorful miniature lights, ornaments
of old and new,
Twas "HEAVENLY GLOWING,"
our gorgeous
""SNOW COVERED GREEN SPRUCE
CHRISTMAS TREE.""
But not forgetting, of course,
yearly, the new hand made artistic school
ornaments.
I knowing from the "GET GO,"
these magnificent ornaments,
Kanda and Jerrin,
naturally competitors, older sister/younger
brother rivalry,
( tackling me, Mom, as they raced, shoving,
pushing, the "FRONT SEAT" of my car,
"THEIR PRIZE,"sound familiar?)
no mistake,
'MIDDLE, FRONT AND CENTERED'
on the tree, each master piece had to be.
An argument, traditionally each year as
I, toiling vigorously,attempting to work out a system,
appeasing both children, assuring them,
their ornaments were the""BEST"" of all
and would be placed
"MIDDLE, FRONT AND CENTERED"
in all their glory these beautifully
hand crafted ornaments perfectly made,
proudly by my children's tiny fingers and
hands, but mostly side by side, they would
hang on the tree, the ornaments so closely
connected as neither
Kanda or Jerrin would give, not one tiny inch.
If only I had taken some photos,
IF ONLY!!!
"THIS, OUR CHRISTMAS TREE PAST"
But there will be another story about
"OUR CHRISTMAS TREE RETIRED,"
"CHRISTMAS (GIFTS) PAST"
Yearly, during the Christmas season,
the usual game, Kanda and Jerrin
had started since the tree would be in
full swing, lit up with a lovely glow, they,
after riding home on the school bus,
noticing a few gifts had started to
arrive under the Christmas tree,
competition to the maximum,
how disturbing, counting their gifts
faithfully, daily, making sure each had the exact same number of
gifts, the dollar amount in each treasured
wrapped package absolutely
meant nothing,"IMPORTANCE ONLY,"
equal number of gifts, so after the problem
withthe delightful hand crafted school
Christmas ornaments,and the arrangement
on the tree decided, by none other than
'MOM," of course, the counting ritual continued
""IMMEDIATELY ""
as now, more gifts appeared under the tree.
""PRIORITY,"" equal number of packages.
Shaking, Listening, Rubbing
and Feeling ever so gently their surprise
packages, as though they had
"MAGICAL POWER"
and with just a mere touch of their tiny fingers
could identify the contents of the
"" MYSTERIOUS PRESENT.""
Smiling am I, but through my tears,
remembering so very well the war raging
on until
""Christmas Eve.""
Finally, while our children were nestled all
snug in their beds, an expected visitor, he with that
familiar twinkle in his eye, spring in his
quiet step,""SANTA CLAUS"" had arrived,
delivering more wondrous packages,
deliberately mixing those rare and unique
Elf made Santa gifts, amongst all the personal
Daddy/Mommy gifts, giggling to himself,
Proudly he knew he had just pulled
off the greatest trick of all,
HO! HO! HO!
Snickering and Snickering, did I, Mom,
overwhelmed but thrilled as the
""FUN WOULD SOON BEGIN
AND BEGIN IT DID.""
As our children awoke, with imaginative
anticipation, their first shocked sight,
Santa's packages, hysterically,
they, trying to count packages
getting them in order,
eventually giving up.
They, hearts ticking and racing,
not being able to withstand the
suspense any longer and
with trembling hands, eyes wide open,
ripping and tearing until exhausted,
still, "BEWARE" watching each other
confirming their own presents were
unwrapped, only by them,
and not mistakenly by their
other/ meaning, "SIBLING."
Excited were they, finally the counting
had stopped,
""THANK THE LORD,""
although, the ritual of counting had been
givena huge effort, but an impossiblity,
overwhelmed with curiosity
as to what could secretly be hidden in the
wrapped 4 sided, bottom and top boxed
treasures, our
"loving young children were."
""OUR OLD CHRISTMAS
TREE PAST AND RETIRED"'
"Our Christmas Tree Past and Retired,"
bringing many years ofenjoyment to our
young children,as they grew into young
adulthood,
"OUR OLD CHRISTMAS TREE"
shed more and more of it's fake sprayed snow,
scars of getting old, it's branches,
once a beautiful green spruce tree covered with
magnificent sparkling snow,
but now becoming more a spruce
green color, almost as though the old
tree was crying andweeping the snow away,
pondering, wondering
if those many years serving our family
in which the tree had
very distinctively and graciously
given so much beauty,
fun, comfort
but stood firmly through all the turmoil,
tormentingly being blamed
for the fake snow particles in the entire house,
being nudged, poked,
accidentally rammed,
heads butting up under the tree,
pushing hard as our
children tore open gifts for many years,
disassembled, reassembled,
stored, hidden in a dark box our tree, each year,
except a couple of weeks in December when the
""OLD TIMER""
could make it's debut and what a
""GLORIOUS DEBUT""
Seems the
GENTLE OLD TIMER CHRISTMAS TREE,
appearing now with a final salute, deserved retirement.
After all the many memorable moments this
Old Timer Christmas Tree
had witnessed throughout the years as our
young children grew up, the best memory
of all, Santa's chuckle as he warmed himself,
ate his cookies and drank his milk,
fueling his body for those cold snowy
Christmas Eve night deliveries
as away he would fly in his sleigh
with all his reindeer.
THE PRESENCE OF "SANTA MEMORIES" WILL
ALWAYS BELONG TO OUR
GENTLE OLD RETIRED CHRISTMAS TREE,
this comforting tree, generously
giving to us, our children, family and friends,
A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR,
We, remembering forever,
""OUR HEAVENLY SPARKLING SNOW COVERED
GREEN SPRUCE CHRISTMAS TREE.""
AND FOREVER IN OUR BROKEN HEARTS,
OUR KANDA MICHELLE,
ALWAYS YOUNG, ALWAYS 30.
As I am finishing my Christmas Memories,
through my tears, my future fears, years
now in 2007, living my life without out my
daughter, my Kanda, since April of 2004,
the stories of
"CHRISTMAS PAST,"
BLEEDING AND HURTING IS MY HEART,
going back, if only I could,
living through those great years,
doing it all over again, but appreciatively,
stopping momentarily and smelling the roses
along the way, no griping from me,
MOM, as the
""FAKE SNOW FLAKES COVER MY ENTIRE HOME,
CHRISTMAS ONLY COMES BUT ONCE A YEAR.""
Pausing, each and every day, admiring our
""GORGEOUS SNOW COVERED
CHRISTMAS TREE,"
I would, this tree in all it's GLORY,
standing tall and proud, also
enjoying the beauty of the colorful lights,
remembering, not only the history of the old
ornaments,but those previously hand made, by my
precious children, school ornaments.
Purchasing new ornaments each year,
changing tradition, approaching the
unknown as never before, adding a taste
of mystery, a twist and hinting just a bit,
as to which ornaments I may select
creating a magnitude of suspense, I would
and will, NOW.
SLIPPING AWAY,
THE REASON FOR THE SEASON,
THE BIRTH OF
OUR LORD AND SAVIOR,
"JESUS CHRIST,"
NEVER WOULD I, AGAIN, FORGET
WHY WE CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS.