""ALMOST FOUR AND ONE HALF YEARS""
""NOW""
(AUTUMN 2008)
Almost four and one half years now, you left this world, tragically and unexpectedly.
As bereaved parents have learned, we accept the fact that there will never be a letting go, most assuredly
Almost four and one half years now, I stopped in for a moment during my lunch hour, April 13th, 2004,
noticing you sleeping in your four poster bed.
Haunting me since then,
"Why did I not place a loving kiss gently on your forehead?"
Almost four and one half years now, accepting that I will never hear you come running in my door,
yelling loudly, "Come on, Mom, let's go and for what, I don't know, but just whatever for."
Almost four and one half years now, catching a glimpse of a Black Sunfire Coupe
parked or as it whizzes by.
My eyes glued to the car, searching for you behind the wheel,
just one more time, until I could and sometimes do, just break down and cry.
Almost four and one half years now and, oh, I want to hear, again, your wonderful voice,
but, as for watching, listening to you on video, I absolutely refuse
and that entirely is my own choice.
Almost four and one half years now, and how strangely, somewhat weird I do feel.
Who was I then, who I am now, but this nightmare will certainly be ""FOREVER,
"" real.
Almost four and one half years now, and you are on always on my mind.
I, a bereaved mother, ashamed, but there are many times I despise the mere thought of being kind.
Almost four and one half years now, but the horrendous guilt is still eating at me.
The "WHY" of your seizures, I should have helped, but I am sure you would disagree.
Almost four and one half years now, I have become someone I don't want to know.
Without you, I am unrealistically rearranged, my temper to a boiling point, how easily
I can blow.
Almost four and one half years now, I was to find you, April 13, 2004, the evening of
How did I keep myself together, I must have had help from
""THE ALMIGHTY""
up above.
Almost four and one half years now, I can live my life to some unimaginative degree.
But incomplete my family, everyday in a whirl , my heart forever broken and the worst is the knowing, there are never any guarantees.
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